Friday, May 15, 2009

May 15th

I am sharing something today that I didn't think I would. But over the last couple of days prior to today I felt lead to do so in greater strength each day.

This photo to the left is a photo of my little angel baby that would have been two years old today (granted if he had come on his anticipated due date).  I have shared these photos with a relatively few number of people and will share no more than this photo of his perfect little hand.

I hope that this post will be of comfort to others who have experienced a loss, those who are still grieving while the world goes on.

Before we were blessed with Blake, I lost this little one. We went for a routine ultrasound at 11 weeks and received the horrible news that our baby's heart was no longer beating. This was my third m/c, but the first this far along.  We were crushed and they immediately wanted to schedule me for a d & c to remove my child.  Instead I needed some time to adjust to this news and chose to go natural at home.  Two weeks after that apt. my body finally let go. I'll save the details (it was not pretty), but it was so worth it. After the worst was over, I was overcome by such an overwhelming peace. 

In quiet, I sat with my precious child. He (or she) was perfect in every sense. At no more than 10 weeks old, he was beautifully formed with slender legs and arms and all 10 toes/fingers.  I feel blessed that I had these moments with him to love and wonder over him as I would if he had joined our lives on his due date.

Today I will lay his stone in a safe spot, now that the construction is over and I need not fear that it will be harmed.  I will celebrate today that he spent those 13 weeks with us and that I was given a gift beyond all others: the ability to marvel at God's work of my child in the very beginning moments of his life.

I hope by sharing this story that if you have experienced a loss that you grant yourself to be in the moment feeling what feelings may come. And if you personally have not lost a child, I hope that you will be able to better love someone else who has lost a child - I believe that my deepest desire was to know that my baby mattered to more than just me. 


  1. He is beautiful - that little hand is just precious.

    I love you Christine and I'm celebrating your baby with you today!


  2. your story touched my heart and I am sure many others.

  3. Christine,
    His little hand is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Wow...I'm very sorry for your loss, but incredibly inspired by your post. I'm sure it was difficult to share something so private. I hope that it does as you intended...give peace and solace to those who are enduring their own devastating loss.

    You are incredible. Thank you for sharing.

  5. This is beautiful. I have no doubt that your openness with help someone else. Hugs to you from Indiana!

  6. God Bless you that you had time with your little one. We never know why God needs tiny little angels, but He does. What a beautiful little hand. God Bless you and may you continue to feel comforted.

  7. Christine

    Thanks for sharing your photo. I lost my daughter's twin. I had an ultrasound taken while still expecting twins, but never had the photo printed. Now I regret it. While I was still blessed with my precious girl, I often wonder who her twin would have been.

    Take care,

    Shirley Kerkhoff.

  8. Thank you for sharing. I also have two babies enjoying heaven with yours.'s_gabriel.htm

  9. Oh my goodness, gotta wipe away the tears! I've lost two babies, one at only 4 weeks and the other around 8 weeks so my heart goes out to you. I never saw the baby as it passed and I don't know if I would have wanted to. I'm glad it brought you comfort and that you seem to be at peace with it. The only thing that helped me in dealing with the loss is knowing that God has a plan and that my babies are in heaven with Him and I'll see them again someday! Praise the Lord that you were able to go on and have a healthy baby!! Thanks for sharing your story!

  10. Christine, Your story inspires me everyday. I've been drowning in grief for awhile now and our stories are so similar. On August 18th, I would have been due with our 2nd daughter (4th child) which was named, Nadia, which means hope. You inspire me to keep going and know that it's okay to grieve for my girl and keep trying. Thank you for sharing your story and picture. God Bless you and Big HUGS. ~Shannon


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